Sabotage

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Posted by: boriqua_kk_felangies Original: 7/6/2009 8:06 PM Views: 13 Comments: 1 eProps: 2 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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Monday, July 06, 2009

The following was written in my personal journal on September 30, 2008 at 2:53pm.

Quirkyalone

I am a "militant romantic."

A person who holds out for the ideals in love, even when society at large says they do not exist.

I've been called picky in the past. And it's true. I have high standards.

I have a solid sense of independence but I'm also very much obsessed with the notion of true love. It's a pretty strange place to be.

I live in the future, creating it in my mind as I float through the present. I can be extremely optimistic and I enjoy certain forms of melancholy.

Sometimes I am deeply single and other times I find myself revved with flirtatious energy.

I believe in marriage. I believe that sex and love should always go together. I believe in genuine happiness, whether it be alone or shared with a significant other. But I don't believe in settling.

All of this should offer me a well-balanced romantic experience, even while I'm single.

So why do I feel like I'm constantly sabotaging my love life?

---

I'm still at the place I was when I wrote this. I still spend most of my day obsessing over my non-existent love life. I know why I'm single. I'm single because I'm entirely too picky. Because I lack the motivation and resources to go out and meet new people. Because I've got a boy who I don't want in a romantic way but can't let go of. And possibly because I don't put myself out there sexually and blablabla. My singleness is a result of my own shortcomings (except for maybe the sex thing). I've come to terms with that but I still don't know how to reverse this want. I don't know how to dismiss this one desire that uses up most of the time my brain functions during the day.

It's pretty pathetic.

But, then, I kinda like being pathetic. I like being me. I don't mind getting out more and being more welcome to some guys who deserve a chance. I don't mind working on it. In the meantime, I'll just keep doing what I do. All of this sabotage is simply shaping what is to be.

Posted 7/6/2009 8:06 PM - 13 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment

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1 Comment

Any guy would be extremely lucky to have you.

"I live in the future, creating it in my mind as I float through the present."

That's my life in a nutshell.

And the fact that you like yourself is more important than anything else. That alone will make guys gravitate towards you.

Then again I'm not quite sure you should be taking any love-life advice from me, some 15-year-old with absolutely no experience in that area whatsoever ;)

Keep doing what you do. For the record, you're pretty awesome at it.

God Bless.

- Jess

Posted 7/7/2009 10:51 PM by Jessie_Says - reply

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